sabaw na tanong, sabaw na sagot. Q&A portion!

Kunyare nag-i love you ka na sa nanliligaw sayo tapos biglang may lumitaw na dragon sa harap mo, ano favorite mong pagkain?
* ..maiisip kong masarap ang barbecue na niluto sa apoy na lumalabas sa bunganga ng dragon.
.
Pag lumindol ng malakas at katabi mo crush mo, anong gusto mong sabihin sa mga may ayaw kay Pacquiao?
* ..mga bitter lang kau tulad ko. pero hindi si pacquiao ang dahilan ng bitterness natin:))
.
Kunyare mananalo ka ng 1 million, anong gusto mong kulay ng rainbow?
* ..gold, silver, periwinkle and many more. gusto ko 1million din ang colors ng rainbow..
.
Binigyan ka ng kapangyarihan ng diwata, ano name ng first crush mo?
* ..BB gandanghari. hahaha!
.
Ipapamana sayo mga ari-arian nyo ng tatay mo. Kung papipiliin ka, punk o emo?
* ..wala eah. ang mga ari-arian namin ay pawang katotohanan lamang. *anuh daw?*
.
Kunyare papatay ka ng tao, saan ka galing kagabi?
* ..sa sementeryo.
.
Kunyare nasa gubat ka na punong puno ng mga mapanganib na hayop, papayag ka ba mapunta si Claudine Baretto sa GMA7?
* ..yes. kahit sa gubat pa sya mapunta, ayus lang. wala naman akong pakealam.
.
Sa hirap ng buhay ngayon, anong favorite mong band?
* ..barenaked ladies. sa hirap ng buhay, wala na silang maisuot. haha!
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Kunyare nakasalubong mo ex-love mo na may kasamang bago nyang boyfriend/girlfriend, anong gagawin mo para makatulong sa mga nasalanta ng bagyo?
* ..nanakawan ko si ex at yung bago neang luvz )
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Pag nasira yung laptop mo, saan mo gustong kumain, KFC o McDO?
* ..KFC. may laptop technician kaya dun?
.
Kunyare magugunaw na mundo bukas tapos nalaman mong gusto ka rin ng gusto mo, kaninong surgeon ka pupunta kay Belo o Calayan.
* ..kay belo. mas close kami nun eh.
.
Oo at hindi lng, anong pakiramdam mo ngayon?
* ..HINDI ko masasagot ang tanong na yan kahit sinagot ko na. haha!
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Sa gulo ng gobyerno natin ngayon, sa tingin mo may pag-asa pa bang mabago ang size ng pasas?
* ..of course. sa tingin ko may biogenentics naman para gawan yan ng solusyon. at ang nunal ni Gloria ang model nila. *shit. anu nga yung biogenentics?*
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Nastranded ka sa elevator wala kang mahingan ng tulong, anong gagawin mo para makaalis ng bahay bukas?
* ..wala naman elevator yung bahay namin kaya bubuksan ko nalang ang pinto para makaalis ako ng bahay:]]
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Naalala mo bigla ung EX mo, tingin mo naalala ka rin ng teacher mo nung grade 1?
* ..oo naman. kasi yung teacher ko nung grade 1, maikli lang ang buhok. eh yung ex ko, maliit ang paa. related diba? )
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Hindi na kayo nagpapansinan ng dating mahal mo, tingin mo alam nya ang pakiramdam mo kapag may sun burn?
* ..hindi nya maintindihan ang pakiramdam ko pag may sun burn. iyon ang dahilan kung bakit hindi na kami nagpapansinan. toinks!
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Nagkasabay outing ng tropa at pamilya mo? Ano uunahin mo isuot t-shirt o pantalon?
* ..underwear, tanga!
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Nasira mo tiwala ng kaibigan mo, paano mo maibabalik ang dating sigla ng kalikasan?
* ..marahil ay ibabalik ko muna ang tiwala ng kaibigan ko sa paggamit ng facial cleanser. wehh?
.
Pag ang baka sinabawan mo at chicken cubes nilagay mo, ano mangingibabaw, kasamaan o kabutihan?
* ..mas mangingibabaw yung paminta. at matutunaw yung asin.

whoooopeeee )

of love, lies, and emoticons?

To pretend all was right with the world, i first had to know what was wrong.

- The Hundred Secret Senses, Amy Tan

so there was something wrong. i knew it the very moment i saw his car at the parking lot. i just got out of my last class and was ready to go home. i went to my battered car and saw him sitting on the hood.

“we need to talk,” he said.

“yeah,” i simply agreed. i pretended to rummage through my bag so i wouldn’t see his face. i didn’t want to know what he was thinking even before he said it. i hate myself for seeing his thoughts without needing him to tell me. i wanted to have time to think for myself. what would he want to talk about?

“i think we needed a cool off. think things through. make sure we make the right decisions,” he was saying.

so there was really something wrong. first, he brought his oh-so-awesome car which means he wouldn’t hitch a ride with me, like what he used to do everyday. it has been our arrangement since god knows when. second, he was telling me we need a cool off, though he didn’t say a break-up. third, i was silently and calmly agreeing to it even though i didn’t know why the hell we needed it.

Who knows where inspiration comes from. Perhaps it arises from desperation. Perhaps it comes from the flukes of the universe, the kindness of the muses.

- Amy Tan

this time i don’t know where my inspiration came from. it was not from desperation. my feelings were not that strong for a cool off. it surely was not from the flukes of the universe or the kindness of the muses. or was it? perhaps one day i’d look back to this time in my life and consider myself lucky. i really don’t know right now.

oh, that inspiration i was talking about? i don’t even know if it was really an inspiration. i was just doodling on my diary and i suddenly thought of breaking up with my boyfriend.

it has already been a week since we decided the cool off. at first i thought the problem was with me. maybe i was too busy with studies. but we still had time to hang out with each other. maybe i didn’t make him feel that i love him. but i did, always. maybe i just wasn’t good enough for him. hell, maybe he just didn’t like my old car!

but i found out he was going out with a girl from his school. he told me so last night. we were talking on the phone helping each other with our assignments. i was reciting a long equation with exponents, square roots, and imaginary numbers when he suddenly blurted out, “i’m confused.” then, silence. i was beginning to get pissed off because it meant rereading those long equations. but he spoke and i realized he wasn’t confused about his math problem.

“i don’t know what i feel anymore. i love you. but there’s this other girl i’m going out with. i’m sure i’m not in love with her. but i am fond of her and i think it’s like cheating on you. although i don’t really have feelings for her, my conscience got into me and now i’m thinking about us… you know i’m in love with you. i really am.”

you see how honest he is? i didn’t get mad. i just felt sorry that he got fond of that girl and now he was confused. but most of the time, fondness turns to love. and most of the time, confusion is a symptom of falling out of love.

but i didn’t jump to conclusions right away. i didn’t break up with my boyfriend. i was more inspired to give him a second chance. it was not because i have lots of reasons to. it was because i couldn’t think of a fair reason not to.

sometimes, you do good not because you’d get a reward. sometimes, you just don’t want to be punished if you do otherwise.

- Miss Angel

when the cool off was over, i never enjoyed the rewards of being good to my boyfriend. being good means treating him like nothing happened.  it means trusting him again, or pretending to. it means going back to our old ways — getting personal, getting involved, holding hands, him riding on my car. in return, he would often tell me he loves me, so often that he would become confused in the end while hearing himself say those words — words that were overly repeated, ringing in his mind, losing their meaning. he would often take me to his favorite restaurants, ones where we liked to hang out before the cool off. but as soon as the guards opened the doors, he would sigh a sad sigh. because of that, i knew he was remembering not our previous hang outs. rather, he was trying to forget the times when he was with the other girl.

the rewards of having a better relationship faded into the background of misery. i knew he was aching and getting tormented because of what he did. he was now really careful not to upset me. he treated me like a princess. he made me feel that he would die if he lost me. but deep inside him, i know he wanted to slap me for being too forgiving. ’cause until now, he still hasn’t forgiven himself.

We all clung to little things like that — a make-believe story, a faraway star that became something closer to our hearts. along our journey, we looked for signs of contentment in the world, a peace that would never change.

- The Kitchen God’s Wife, Amy Tan

he said he would always be grateful for the second chance. we would take pictures of everything we love to do. we liked chasing moments, not wanting for them to end because we’re afraid there might not be another chance.

i know the seed of doubt has been planted. our peace has been disturbed. we’d never be contented again, no matter what we said about it. all we have now were memories. we were struggling for them to happen again, knowing they never would. we were just holding on to our love story that once was a fairy tale. it was too good to be true. we should have known that from the start.

yeah, it was like nothing has changed. and yet, everything has changed. i was afraid that one time he’d become fond of some girl again. i was afraid he’d choose to give me up. but his fears were worse than mine. he was afraid that he wouldn’t be able to control his weakness, that he would mistake fondness for love. he was already doubting himself. he couldn’t take that out of his mind. i knew he was suffering because of that.

Relationships are like glass. sometimes, it’s better to leave it broken than hurt yourself trying to put the pieces back together.

- Anonymous

a month passed by. i decided to give up. there’s no use trying hard to fix something beyond repair. there’s no point in keeping our hopes up when we know they’re just false hopes. with a week of cool off, we created an invisible barrier that couldn’t be broken down by being together. that’s when i feel the cliché, “too close and yet too far apart.”

i’ve been reading it in his mind. he wanted this to end. he just didn’t know how. i felt his pain. he thought he was not good enough for me. the thought became the truth. until he really became an anguished little boy, trying not to eat his little candy because he wanted to keep it for later.

and so that candy melted away.

i didn’t want to break up with him and blame him for it. i didn’t want to break up with him and then he’d blame himself. he had too much regrets already.

so i made up a story. for me, it was the final act of love i could do for him. so that he would be free of me. he would be free of every pain our relationship was causing him.

i fed him lies. i made him angry. i said it was my fault. i don’t know how many false memories i put into his mind. they were just so convincing i even started to believe them myself.

finally, he let go. i know i hurt him. it’s the only way to make realize that it wouldn’t work, no matter how much we try to forget, no matter how long we stick together. it’s the only way for him to see that everyone has that moment of disloyalty, even me. he didn’t have to make it a very big deal and destroy himself in the process. it’s not the lesson i wanted to teach him, but it was what he wanted to learn.

maybe it was not the right thing to do. maybe i just wanted to escape. but i knew that as long as we keep holding on, the memory of the other girl would be clinging onto us too. he should start anew. so that chapter of his life with me had to end.

Love lost is still love. It takes a different form, that’s all. You can’t see their smile or bring them food or tousle their hair or move them around a dance floor. But when those senses weaken, another heightens. Memory. Memory becomes your partner. You nurture it. You hold it. You dance with it. Life has to end. Love doesn’t.

- The Five People You Meet in Heaven, Mitch Albom

nobody died. just our relationship.

a year after our break up, i saw his car at the parking lot. i just got out of my last class and was ready to go home. i went to my battered car and saw him sitting on the hood.

déja vu. but i was certain it happened before.

“hi,” he greeted.

“hello.” i smiled.

again, i pretended to look for something in my bag so i wouldn’t see his face. i wondered if our break up did him good. i wondered if he has a new girlfriend. i wondered if his love for me was still there, just like my love for him wasn’t lost in time. i wondered a lot of things, really.

and as i look at his face, really look at his face for the first time since our break up, i knew the answers.

dahil november 1 ngayon…

• uso ang mga multo. miss ko na si casper. kung na-retain lang sana nya yung ichura nya nung buhay pa sya, that angelic face of his, walang sawa kong hahanap-hanapin yun. kung bakit naman kasi naging cartoon sya nung mamatay.

• speaking of ghosts, ibang ghosts ang nagpaparamdam sakin ngayon. ghosts of the past. yung tipong aayawan mo talaga hindi dahil sa takot, kundi dahil sa sakit. kinukulit na naman ako ng mga sarili kong multo. napapaisip tuloy ako, napapabalik-tanaw. what happened to my life? what did not? anjan na naman sina What-if, If-only, and Should-have-been. most of all, the ghost of the love curse was haunting me. oh well…

• nagpunta kasi kami sa memorial park kanina. ang dami kong memories dun, all of which are best left buried. kanina, na-overwhelm ako. ang dami kasing tao. pero wala man lang dun yung mga taong nagpapaandar sa train of thought ko habang nandun ako. it felt like i was slowly drowning, each thought a painful nudge to my heart, each memory strangling me causing my unsteady breathing. worse, i know that only those people i was thinking about were the only ones who could save me. and they’re nowhere to be found. i knew i was good as dead. wow, too poetic. but yeah. mr. shades, namiss kita ngayon.
  haha!

• birthday ni nanay. *singin’ happy birthday*. nagsimba kami ng 7.15 mass sa parish church. tapos nilibre nya kami ng lugaw. tapos, ang celebration nya ng birthday ay ang pagtutulos ng kandila sa mga namayapa nang kamag-anak.

• so, maghapon kami sa sementeryo. ang init. nakakabwisit lang yung mga taong walang magawa sa buhay. pagala-gala. nakakadagdag sa traffic. wala naman silang ibang ginawa kundi mambaswit ng mga babae at manghingi ng cellphone number.

• basically, i went cute-guys-hunting. not that i chased them around asking for their numbers. i’m not that cheap. wala lang, nagpalipas-oras lang ako sa ganun. nakita ko nga yung crush ko nung grade 6. hahaha! missed you kuya. u made my day.

• napagod ako. but when we were on our way home, nakita ko yung isa ko pang crush. naglalaro ng basketball. oui, tanggal ang pagod ko. he said hi kasi.

at dahil november 1 ngayon, happy all saints’ day sa lahat.

PS.

belated happy halloween. i stayed up till 3am last night watching cartoon ghost movies. it was fun. namiss ko na naman si casper…

ain’t perfect.

i’m not perfect. cliché, i know.

i am clumsy. i spill coffee on new carpets. i drop things and break teacups. i step on my shoelace and fall on my face. i hit myself with a tennis racket a hundred times. but still i am trying to learn lawn tennis.

my hair doesn’t always stay in place. in the morning, i’d spend at least an hour trying to untangle it. then another hour to make it look not-so-wild. i know i resented my hair since birth. but still i don’t cut it short.

i piss off my friends. most of the times, i argue with them over little things. i get bitchy and make them cry. i keep a lot of secrets from them and i wonder if i’m ever friendly enough for them to share their secrets with me.  but still they’re my friends.

i get my heart broken. i have the knack of choosing the wrong guy and ending up crying over him and over my stupidity. or maybe i am the wrong girl. i am always selfish. jealous. clingy.

i am a bad student. i sleep in class. i raise the dirty finger on my professor. i give smartass answers. i eat popcorn during classes and distract everyone.

and i don’t really know why i’m telling all these…

can someone tell me?

if life were a song..

1. IF SOMEONE SAYS ‘ARE YOU OKAY’ YOU SAY?
jenny – click five (uh, am i jenny or am i the one singin the song?) ♫jenny, what’s the problem?♫

2. HOW WOULD YOU DESCRIBE YOURSELF?
fifteen – taylor swift ♫i didn’t know who i was supposed to be♫ (???)

3. WHAT DO YOU LIKE IN A LOVER?
two is better than one – boys like girls ♫that i can’t live without you♫

4. HOW DO YOU FEEL TODAY?
you belong with me – taylor swift ♫so why can’t you seeeee?♫ (hahaha!)

5. WHAT IS YOUR LIFE’S PURPOSE?
i caught myself – paramore (huh?)

6. WHAT’S YOUR MOTTO?
this is real, this is me – demi lovato (ah yeah!)

7. WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU?
fire -2ne1 (really? i don’t even understand the lyrics..)

8. WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU?
just dance – lady gaga (uhhhh. lol)

9. WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT VERY OFTEN?
the climb – miley cyrus (the climb to where?)

10. WHAT IS 2 + 2?
decode – paramore (yeah yeah!)

11. WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR BEST FRIEND?
my life would suck without you – kelly clarkson (aww. sooo true!)

12. WHAT IS YOUR LIFE STORY?
poker face – lady gaga (uhm uhm uhm)

13. WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP?
bad – michael jackson (hala! taena!)

14. WHAT DO YOU THINK WHEN YOU SEE THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
love drunk – boys like girls (no comment) ♫i love you forever, forever is over♫

15. WHAT WILL YOU DANCE TO AT YOUR WEDDING?
closer – ne yo ♫and i just can’t pull myself away♫ (yes naman!)

16. WHAT WILL THEY PLAY AT YOUR FUNERAL?
wait and bleed – slipknot (sobra naman yun. haha!)

17. WHAT IS YOUR HOBBY/INTEREST?
it’s you – super junior (lol. sakto.)

18. WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST FEAR?
invisible – taylor swift

19. WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST SECRET?
a little too not over you – david archuleta ♫tell me why i just can’t seem to face the truth♫ (toinks)

20. WHAT DO YOU WANT RIGHT NOW?
thunder – boys like girls (nakakarami na ang boys like girls haa!)

21. WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS?
nobody – wonder girls (aww. gara!)

22. WHAT WILL YOU POST THIS AS?
new divide – linkin’ park (and i won’t post this as that)

INSTRUCTIONS:
1. Put your iTunes, Windows Media Player, etc. on shuffle.
2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.
3. YOU MUST WRITE THAT SONG NAME DOWN NO MATTER HOW SILLY IT SOUNDS. DON’T LIE.
4. Tag friends (me also, so I can see your results) or however many you want. Everyone tagged has to do the same thing.

save me…

once in a boring class,
i stopped daydreaming
to face the reality;
and it was you —
real and not just a dream
knocking on the door.

you asked the professor
if you could excuse me
for a while.
and i said to myself,
could it be longer?

i was supposed to be broken, but i was not.

→ in the process of getting over and moving on, what you need is not someone who would heal your broken heart. rather, you need someone who would make you realize that nothing’s broken after all.

i don’t know where i got this idea. maybe i read this from somewhere.

anyway, i’ve been depressed lately, not because of a broken heart but because i was starting to think that i’m already immune to heartbreak. when i learned that my boyfriend was sort of cheating on me, i waited to feel the pain. i knew it. it was supposed to come right after i heard the news. but nothing happened.

i sat there, unfeeling, uncaring. i tried to feel if my heart was still there. if yes, why didn’t i feel it aching? if no, then where did it go?

that was the first time that a boyfriend of mine actually cheated on me. what’s more is that his other girlfriend is my neighbor and friend. not that it’s a big deal for me. wait, did i just say that it’s not a big deal for me? see what’s wrong? i’m not making this a big deal. i didn’t really care if they’re having an affair on my back. worse, perhaps i wouldn’t also care if they’re having an affair right in front of me.

okay, so i know this wasn’t the right attitude when facing a situation like this.

but i guess i could rationalize. i have a hypothesis.

suppose there’s someone who served as my immune system. he was the one who prepared me so i could face heartaches like they’re just dusts — they would make me teary-eyed but not for long. he was the one who told me to ignore the symptoms of too much love. he was the one who taught me not to be dependent of my boyfriend.

instead, i had grown dependent of him, my immune system.

i think this is why i didn’t feel any pain when my boyfriend cheated on me. it’s because i was the one who cheated first. it’s because my immune system already shielded me from the arrow of heartbreak that was shot towards me. i was never deeply involved with my boyfriend to feel deep feelings. and for me, our relationship already ended even before he decided to cheat on me.

so, technically, he didn’t cheat on me.

well, the quote above doesn’t really apply to me. my heart wasn’t broken this time. no one broke my heart.

for me, don’t wait till you get your heart broken. look for someone who wouldn’t hurt you, someone who would maintain it’s steady rhythm. because if it gets broken, it could be fixed but the crack would still be there. your heart would never ever be the same again.

but, if ever my heart got hurt real bad, if it’s just possible, i would throw it and find another heart.

Tang Ina Nya [akuztikz]

Meron akong gustong ikwento
Tungkol sa dating kasintahan ko
Ginawa akong isang tanga
Pinaniwala na ako rin daw ay mahal nya
At alam niyo ba dalawa kami noon sa puso niya
Na pinagsabay ako’y pinaghintay
Pinangakuan na isang araw ako raw ang kanyang iibigin
Sasama daw siya sa akin
Ngunit ako’y pinagpalit sa syota niyang patpatin

Chorus:
Tangina niya
Tangina niya
Tangina niya
Tangina niya

Ngunit ako’y hindi natuto
Tuloy pa rin ang katangahan ko
Siya ay muli ko pang tinanggap
Nang siya ay bumalik at iiyak iyak
Tinanong ko siya
Kung ako na ba ang nasa puso niya
Siya ay natulala parang nawawala
Sabay sinabi niyang hindi niya alam
Ang kanyang isasagot sa akin
Di pa raw niya kayang lisanin
Mahal na mahal niya raw parin ang syota niyang patpatin

Chorus:
Tangina niya
Tangina niya
Tangina niya
Tangina niya..

Sana masagasaan sila
Sana ay masunugan sila
Sana ay makagat sya ng asong ulol
Ng kapitbahay nilang kalbo
Nakatira doon sa may kanto
Sana ay tamaan sila ng bagyo
Diyos Ko!

i texted, they replied…

Sabi ko,

of all the things you should know about me,
this is the most important:
LOVING ME IS SUICIDE.

Sabi ni Drake,

if loving you is suicide, i’d gladly take the rope and die.

Sabi ni Ryan,

loving you is the exact opposite of suicide — it gives me life.

Sabi ni Mac,

if loving you is suicide, why does it feel like heaven?

Too much rain too soon – INQUIRER.net, Philippine News for Filipinos

Too much rain too soon – INQUIRER.net, Philippine News for Filipinos

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friday night, i went home to bulacan not knowing that there’s a typhoon coming. i was actually feeling bummed that time because i was planning to go home the next day, saturday, and yet my dad urged me to go home that night. thanks to him.

it was saturday afternoon that i heard there’s ondoy hitting metro manila and neighboring provinces. only that night did i realize the disaster it brought to the affected areas. FLOOD. flood 5 feet and rising. flood up to the roofs of the houses, or up to the 2nd floors of the priveleged ones.

it was surreal. it was really tragic.

so please give all the help you could give. PRAY PRAY.