[it’s where you could find me when you couldn’t find me anywhere else]

the bastard

..ang plastik ko… kinumusta ko pa sya. pero deep inside, sabi ko, “sana makarma ka.”

..it was so unfair. i felt betrayed. but i know, partly, it’s also my fault. i’ve been so trusting. i’ve been so dumb. and this is the consequence of my actions. bloody hell!!!

..pero ayun, unfair paren. ano’ng consequence ng actions nya? a beautiful and equally stupid girlfriend. does he deserve her? and vice versa? parehas silang nang-hurt ng feelings ng iba. and unfortunately, ako yung isa sa mga nasaktan. yun nga lang, late yung reaction ko kasi ngayon ko lang ‘to nalaman.

..and worse, ngayon ko nga lang ‘to nalaman. it was so… argghh! infuriating talaga. well, it’s the story. the numb met the dumb. and they lived happily(?).. i dunno. it’s THEIR story.

..and all this time, akala ko ganun lang talaga ang buhay. relationships are transitory. they all fade in time. but one thing i didn’t know before: that there’s this one factor that contributes to the fading of a relationship. that relationships don’t fade without a reason. and in our case, her name is F… franchesca? fiona? farah? i forgot her name. and i don’t care that i forgot. coz basically, i don’t care about her name at all. not at all.

..but it’s his name i care about. and because i care, i won’t tell his name to you. i won’t tell you how many times i’ve written his name at the back of my notebook whenever i get sucked up in oblivion. i won’t tell you how many times my brother heard me calling his name in my sleep. i won’t tell you how many fucking times i got emotionally driven by his nonsense phonecalls. i won’t tell you how many times i went crying crazily, dramatically, unnaturally, and weirdly enough for my friends to call me “insane over him.”

..yet, after all of the drama of being heartbroken, and after i’ve finally moved on, those bitchy words came right in front of me, blazing in my monitor, screaming at me. fuck this!

..he’s a total charmer. and rhyming with it, he’s a two-timer. that’s cool. much much cool. he has always known that he can get away with his good looks. and yeah, he got away with it. and i felt so fucked up!

..at kamusta naman yun? i don’t know if he knows that i already knew what he did. i don’t know if he knows that i’m so fucking mad at him. well, probably, he doesn’t know. he doesn’t know about anything i’m saying right now. he doesn’t know and he doesn’t care. ouch!

..i wish i wouldn’t care too. i wish i wouldn’t care so much.
..but as of now, i know wishes are only wishes and nothing more.

..hell, it’s hell.


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