[it’s where you could find me when you couldn’t find me anywhere else]

..mas matangkad na ako sa kanya..

..it was this realization that made me super elated.

..he’s taller than me way back then. i used to look up at him whenever we’re talking. i used to tiptoe whenever i kiss his cheek. yes, only his cheek. i never kissed him on the lips. oh, and i think that’s one of the things i regret in my life.

..i used to think why he chose to love me before. of all the girls tripping over his shadows, why me? not that i was head-over-heels with him. i loved him, yeah. but not too much. it’s just that he’s so cool and handsome and smart. maybe he lost his cool when he started to court me.

..and yeah, i was quite underestimating myself then. i used to say, “hindi kami bagay.” and they used to say, “lugi s’ya sa girlfriend n’ya.” i used to be proud to be his girl but not so much. it was those criticisms that made me sorry for myself. and sorrier for him. whenever we walk along the avenue, those stares and second glances said, “he’s so tall and handsome and cool and smart. but his taste for girls is quite the opposite. how could he be so poor in choosing his girl?” it’s not fair.

..until we both got tired of them. and we both got tired of each other. i got tired of being his girl. it was so much to handle. i couldn’t forever dress up so gorgeously. i couldn’t forever assume i’m so super stunning. i couldn’t forever walk with him and get overconscious all the way. i just couldn’t live up to their expectations. it was so much. and as of him, he got tired of himself assuring me that i’m beautiful the way i am. that it’s not compulsory for me to wear those trendy clothes. that i was not forced to live up to their standards. that he loved my simplicity, my smiles, my self.

..and so we ended up ending our relationship. much to his sadness. much to my longing. we’re never meant to be. he’s just so great for me. and i was too ambitious for them. but for him, i was the right one. i dunno. and we ended everything. as in everything. it was a tragedy.

..until i saw him at the church lately. he looked grumpy. and exhausted. and all the negativities. he’s not the outgoing, playful, and witty guy anymore. he’s just the normal sort. no one out of the ordinary.

..and when i passed by him, i noticed that i’m already taller than him. i think he noticed it too because he looked up at me. i really mean, UP at me. the girl clinging on his arm (most probably his girlfriend) winced at my silver eyeshadow, maybe thinking of her mismatched make-up colors.

..i tried hard to supress my smile. ang bilis nga naman ng karma. he’s not the goodey-cutey guy i used to love. i hoped they would see me now. those who criticised me all along. those who talked at my back. let them see me now. i have everything i want. and everything they personally want.

..mas matangkad na ako sa kanya.

..thanks to my three-inched heels. ^^

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