..storm signal no. 3
..this is one of the highlights of life. i may only be sixteen years old but i experienced it all. no, it’s not what you’re thinkin’ about, you with a perverted mind. it’s what normal people think of – living a life.
..okay, so maybe i still haven’t experienced it all. but look at the title. i’m dealing with it now. and i think it’s more worth my time that having sex. yes, you read it right. i’ve grown up. it’s time to face it. but i’m not facing it yet. haha!
..ANYWAY. my blog is NOT about sex.
..i’m just on this period of high daunting ripples and drowning waters and stormy seas. i don’t know myself anymore. i guess i have no time for myself lately. i haven’t heard from my inner side since.. since when? i feel so NOT connected. so detached. so uncaring. so numb.
..all i care about is them. maybe it has something to do with sex too. i mean, it was so infuriating that they did it. after all my attempts at being a good adviser. after all my precautions. after all i’ve said to them that they should NOT do it. gosh, she’s just a minor! they’re both my GOOD friends. and now what? did i fail my job at being their friend? did i fail reminding them what morality is? i just don’t want to have STAINED friends like them. cause it stained my image too. i care a lot about them. or maybe i just care A LOT about myself.
..anyway, it’s all done. they’re expecting a cute and cuddly baby. but it’s not yet over for me. i’m still DISGUSTED. yeah, i think it would take a LONG time for me to forgive them. they don’t need my forgiveness, anyway. but i’ll forgive them in my conscience as soon as i can. as soon as i can bear it.
..i don’t wanna lose control over my life. i want to get free. i don’t want THEIR burdens.
..and now, i have this family thing that will never be sorted out. i don’t want to get INVOLVED but what will i do? i’m FAMILY. i hate my dad for all his drama. i hate him for repeating things OVER AND OVER again, for not putting an end to his suffering. he doesn’t know how to LET GO. and he wants us to suffer with him. i hate him.
..and i hate myself too. for not doing anything about it…
..sometimes i just wanna give up. be an EMO. get suicidal. but i’m sure i’m just JOKING myself. i wouldn’t tell it in my blog if i’m serious about it. LOL. anyway, i wanted this storm t be over. it’s taking away my roof! and it will soon blow the house down.
..i need some help. i need someone. please.