[it’s where you could find me when you couldn’t find me anywhere else]

..firewalled love

..bakit ba lahat ng gwapo’t magaganda ay magkakamag-anak? tulad nila at tulad ko..

..i met cousin no. 1 during a Christmas family reunion. badtrip ako noon dahil imbis na makapunta ako sa Christmas party ng choir ay doon ako napunta. i was not fond of those get-togethers. mga matatanda lang naman kasi ang nagkakasiyahan doon. when we reached my great-grandfather’s house, i marched down the hut as soon as the niceties were said and done. i still remember how furious i was for being there. i felt so out of place. but then, in the middle of my sulky moment, cousin no. 1 appeared and offered me a drink.

“Gusto mo ng Cali? Wala na kasing softdrinks doon eh. I think it’s inappropriate kasi kung water lang ang ibibigay ko sa ‘yo.” he said, sounding unsure of what he’s saying.

“Why so?” tinanong ko na may konting pagtataray.

“Uhh, hindi bagay ang water lang sa ganyang pagsesenti,” he answered.

That’s the conversation that started everything. that night, na-realize ko na hindi naman pala masamang umattend ng mga occasions na katulad noon, lalo na kung may makikilala akong tulad ni cousin no. 1. na masarap pala ang Cali. that it was a beautiful starry night. at maganda pala talaga ang boses ko kapag nag-vi-videoke.

..i met little uncle even before that incident. he was just one of those guys na kalaro ko pag dumadalaw kami sa bahay ng lolo ko. pero summer vacation nung nakilala ko sya ng mabuti. he and his brother spent three days at our home. at first, hindi ko sila masyadong pinapansin. actually, last night na nila dito nung nagkausap kami ni little uncle nang matagal. sinundan yun ng text messages nung umuwi na sila. and i felt that certain feeling of excitement and tense because i somehow violated an unwritten rule. and he was my accomplice.

..big uncle entered my life just recently. napadpad sya dito nung merong may birthday sa bahay. won’t tell nalang kung sino yung may birthday na yun. we didn’t exchange any word. just that nod when he passed by me at the kitchen. just those glances. just those smiles. hindi ko nga alam yung name nya. pero it’s his face i couldn’t forget. that fair face.

..it’s cousin no. 2 who still lingers on. i couldn’t remember how we met. basta palagi lang kaming nagkikita dahil medyo magkalapit lang yung bahay namin. at madalas kaming magkita sa family reunions. and we’re both churchgoers. i couldn’t remember how we got each other’s cellphone number. pero we’re textmates until now. there’s something special sa aming dalawa and i think it was the reason kung bakit kami nag-click together. we both know that it was not a romantic one. basta, we just enjoyed each other’c company. we liked flirting with each other. and nothing more than that.

..somehow, all our relationships ended the same way. NOT MEANT TO BE. besides, was there any relationship to talk about? haha! maybe it was mutual understanding. then it ended in misunderstanding. i loved these guys. and i know they loved me too, somehow. but it was only during the good times. only when we still felt that *ping* whenever we talked. only when we needed a quick replacement to fill that empty space. it was never serious. it would never last long.

..we’re just passing time. but they all admitted it was so hard to remain on their places. and i admitted that, too. but if we took it too far, if we moved just a step closer, we all know that the boat would lose its balance and eventually sink.

..it’s hard to control emotions lalo na kung alam naming isang word lang ang hadlang sa happy-ever-after ending namin. BLOOD-RELATED. everything was going on so well and that thought would creep inside our mind and destroy everything. we’re a perfect couple but.. we love each other but.. we’re happy with one another but..

IT’S A FIREWALLED LOVE. WE COULDN’T ENTER.

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One response

  1. Hi!
    I made with photoshop anime myspace pics.
    have a look at them:
    http://tinyurl.com/5aqbgn
    Thanks for your website 😉 xoxo

    December 2, 2008 at 3:06 AM

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