[it’s where you could find me when you couldn’t find me anywhere else]

..this day last year

..twas pretty much the weather this day last year. but i think only the weather stayed the same. everything else changed. everything else slipped away like how they should. it’s pretty awkward to reminisce last year’s December 21. i don’t know why. there’s just this feeling like it’s not right. but there’s also this urge to compare this and that and to know what has been going on in my life since then.

..anyway, this day last year was our school’s christmas party. twas my last christmas party there cause i was a 4th year high school then. but it has been a real tragedy when a grade six student died in campus. [God bless his young soul]. unexpected things happen right. i ended up at Sharmaine’s house with my boyfriend then and his classmate. he gave me a silver ring as a Christmas gift which i gladly accepted because i’m in love with him. then. that time. [i actually debated with myself if i was gonna give it back to him when we broke up. i ended up forgetting it until now that i mentioned it. wth.] when we were going home, his mom called me and asked me if i was with his son. i said yes. been honest. it was then that i learned that being honest sometimes bring the worst things. his mom didn’t like me for some mundane reasons. really.

..night of Decemeber 21 was the debut of my choirmate and aunt, Elna. that time, my bestfriend Jhay was kinda in love with her. he was the one who initiated the preparation of the celebration, with the help of the whole Kabataan. but then he was soo torpe. he was just sitting there, watching his rival make his moves. he got jealous and went to me for help. yet i couldn’t do anything. [actually, that time, i was not in favor with him being in love with another girl. just a bestfriend’s jealousy, a stupid thought that if Elna became his girlfriend, i wouldn’t be the best girl for him anymore. i’d just be the second one. and i know it’s a selfish thought.] he had a gift for Elna, but he didn’t give it to her. instead, he asked me to keep it. he’s too jealous and pissed off to give a gift anyway. and i still have that should-be-gift from-the-bottom-of-his-heart keychain.

..so, that’s how this day last year played out.

..perhaps, today was better than last year’s same date. i accompanied my beshie, Diane, to SM north. she met her boyfriend there. we ate at Max’s and watched the movie, Four Christmases, all to Mace’s credit. yeah, i think today was better. only today i wasn’t with my boyfriend so that’s sort of a bummer. [i miss him already though we met just yesterday.] and oh, my boyfriend today is totally different from my boyfriend this day last year. but i guess they share the basketball madness or something. i mean, they’re this and that, different persons.

..i was kinda emotional and sentimental today. maybe it’s because i have a whole body ache. wth! i just couldn’t grasp that it’s been a year. the memory was so fresh like twas just yesterday. yet twas so far away now. i keep wishing i could forget this day last year. but it’s just one of the paradoxical things in life.

—the more you try to forget something, the more you think about it.

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