[it’s where you could find me when you couldn’t find me anywhere else]

..maybe because of love..

..i don’t even know why i’m writing this time. perhaps, i need to pour all the negative energies inside me into this lifeless computer. it wouldn’t hurt it so bad, i know. it’s better than sulking (or am i sulking now?). it’s better than doing nothing for sure.

..i may be better now. i already realized what’s missing in my life. APPRECIATION.

..for the past few weeks, i felt like i’ve been losing my faith. my grip wasn’t that tight. my burdens heavier. i’ve been so preoccupied with worthless things. like whining about inevitable circumstances. like sticking with regrets. and bitching about little stuff. oftentimes, i was like a mindless puppet, following an invisible hand that drives me toward nothingness. i was always tired, or maybe i just programmed my mind to think that i was always tired. i know i’ve been so wrong.

..but now, i guess i’m here for a change. i haven’t had that spark in my eyes for long. and i was hypnotized by the feeling that i was, indeed, a useless crap. now i’m waking up. now i need to find my worth. now i need to find that connection again, that certain bond that kept me going for years. i need a new life, a new vision, maybe a new driving force to keep me on track.

..perhaps, i just need more time to think of all the things i’m supposed to be thankful for. i just have to appreciate the things i always take for granted. and i have to ponder over the reasons why i’m still here. breathing… and writing.

..maybe because of LOVE.

in all it’s senses.

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3 responses

  1. Hey I found you through condron…..and can appreciate the loss, or seeming loss of faith. I don’t know what you need or how I might be able to help. But if you need someone to talk to visit my blog…email me. I would love to chat with you and maybe together we can find what you think you have lost. Or rather find a new passion for what you still have just can’t find. God is there and He is awesome. He loves you and he cares about you. He wants to change your life you just have to grab hold of Him and wait to see what happens. I hope that things get better for you. Have a blessed day!!!!

    February 20, 2009 at 4:51 AM

    • ..hey, thanks thanks.. right now, i’ve been trying to seek my faith. i think i’m not having enough time to talk to Him. i feel so empty. what should i do?

      February 20, 2009 at 7:43 PM

  2. Teri

    I just found your blog through the Blog Surf Forum. I appreciate your honesty in your struggling with your faith, and look forward to reading more.

    I’ve got a blog where I honestly describe my spiritual journey–not just my strengths and victories, but also my struggles, questions, ponderings, and my attempts to life out my faith. I’d appreciate you checking me out: http://unexpectedturns.wordpress.com/

    August 30, 2010 at 6:39 AM

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