i miss being single
[made last February 16, 2009]
i wasn’t so sure how or when it started. right now, i was just feeling it. i don’t need him anymore like before. i’m not looking forward to our next meeting. i’m learning not to care. and i hate it.
naiinis ako sa sarili ko kasi gusto ko nang umayaw. heto na naman ako, madaling magsawa. pero kung iisipin ko, maswerte na nga ngayon kasi umabot ako ng dalawang buwan sa relationship. kasi nga, one month lang ang tinatagal ko. after one month, wala nang kwenta.
pero namimiss ko na talaga maging single. i don’t have to explain myself about things that are out of somebody’s business. i don’t have to flex my schedule to fit somebody’s time. i don’t have to think of commitments. i know it’s too selfish of me to think this way. i don’t really care, though. i just miss that carefree feeling when the thought of offending someone is out of my system. again, i miss being single.
still, i’m having second thoughts about breaking up with him. i mean, what then? would he let me go? would he cry? would he beg me to stay? or would i end up realizing that i’m not really important? nakakatakot… baka sa huli, ako pa pala yung masasaktan.
hindi pa tapos yung cold treatment nya saken. i was just wondering why i don’t care at all. siguro, tama nga sya na manhid ako. siguro masyado na nyang nararamdaman na wala akong pakialam. pero nasasaktan kaya talaga sya?
but to make things clear, hindi ko sya binabalewala para lang malaman kung masasaktan nga sya. hindi ko naman sinasadyang balewalain sya. misunderstanding lang. i just don’t think he would ever understand.