one of those repeated topics…
[made last February 8, 2009]
like now, i was thinking na ayaw ko nang magmahal ng sobra. kasi i know one day, all the good things would somehow backfire on me as the worst ones. you know, balance of nature and life or something. well, i don’t even know if i love him in the first place. maybe it was just part of my can’t-get-over-highschool feeling. i don’t really know.
i know it’s so heartless of me to make him mad so often. sometimes, i was thinking if i should break up with him already because there’s no special feeling anymore. perhaps i just got overexcited with the idea that my crush would be my boyfriend. later did i realize that he was just my crush and nothing more.
i wish i could really love him. but i couldn’t feel his love either. it was like we were playing games withe each other. THE FIRST ONE TO FALL IN LOVE WOULD BE THE LOSER. but i wouldn’t deny that i had fun with him. but that’s just that. fun. not love.
well, i was just listening to the radio and thinking of random things, mostly about him. i feel so fucked up because it was our second monthsary and he didn’t even greet me. maybe he forgot, or he didn’t greet me intentionally. yeah, i know, i’m so pissed off. maybe, i do love him, somehow.