bridging the gap, healing differences..
A lot of issues were swarming around me lately. I might be too afraid or just too lazy to face them. I was trying to avoid things that would bring unwanted changes to my life. I was being paranoid about what could happen if I made the wrong move. I never thought that I could actually be right about my decisions. I was always conditioned to treat every shadow as a threat. They’re never a silhouette of something worthy and delightful.
I live perhaps with fear. I love maybe because of fear. But yesterday I learned to step out of the armor I made. I couldn’t run away from those issues forever. I couldn’t hide inside myself for a long time. ‘Cause I know I have to face whatever I have to face, sooner or later. I guess sooner is better…
So, yesterday, I decided to call my long lost friend. He’s already in Florida now. Well, it’s just fair to say that we’ve grown apart. Literally and figuratively. The gap was already longer than the Great Wall of China. I hate to admit that I was the one who made things worse. I was the one who broadened the space between us. I was the one who distanced myself. I didn’t talk to him for two years, a long time that made me long for him even more.
We talked. It’s this conversation that made me nostalgic. It’s one of the rare chances of sweet reminiscence. Maybe we shared some regrets, but it never outnumbered the good times. Old times. Old friends. There are things that would never return and things that couldn’t be done again. Yet, these things would never be forgotten. They’re already imprinted in our memories, like snapshots and photographs that never change…
…Even when the people in it already changed. We already have different worlds. I know that. But it didn’t keep me from hoping that one day our worlds would merge as one again. I miss having him around. I miss having a friend who understands all my moods, forgives my bad temper, and simply knows my frame of mind even when all the people in the world get the wrong idea about me.
Anyway, I know that there’s still this wide breach between us. I know one conversation wouldn’t do much adjustment.
But still, it’s a start.