[it’s where you could find me when you couldn’t find me anywhere else]

nung magkasalubong kami

i couldn’t look straight at his eyes. i somehow had this feeling if guilt or embarrassment or maybe anger. i was sharing an untold feeling with him. something that couldn’t be said. i dunno. i was confused. i am confused.

there was a time when Leah told me, “Ikaw nga, kinawawa mo si Opoy eh.”

i asked why. i asked how.

she said, “Naiinis daw si Opoy sa sarili n’ya kasi minahal ka pa daw n’ya.”

then i answered, “Mas naiinis ako sa sarili ko kasi minahal ko din s’ya. Pero di naman s’ya naniwala sa akin.”

it was so frustrating how i tried to tell him that i really love him. the first time i made up my mind that he’s the one i’m gonna choose, he didn’t listen. he didn’t wait. he walked away. that fast.

countless times i tried to approach him. but he’s just too intimidating. it’s as if i committed a crime. as if i was so dirty to get close to him.

then i got tired of reaching him. i got tired of waiting. one day, i just told myself that he’s not worth my time and effort. he’s too dumb to understand. he’s too deaf to listen. perhaps i got angry with him at some point. maybe until now. but i have to move on with my life.

meron pa namang iba diyan. mas mahal ako. mas pinahahalagahan ako. mas may tiwala sa akin. at hindi ako iniiwan.

sometimes, we could really teach our hearts to love someone else. it’s a way of escape. of coping. of healing. some people think it is selfish. but different circumstances in life require different kinds of action. and in this circumstance, my heart retreats… so my mind needs to rescue.

someday, i’m gonna look him in the eyes. someday, i’m gonna say, “O, bakit hanggang ngayon hindi ka parin makatingin sa akin?”

well, that’s how life is played. kung sino’ng mahuling mag-move-on, s’yang talo.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s