[it’s where you could find me when you couldn’t find me anywhere else]

wretched again..

One day, i’d grow tired of waiting. i’d grow tired of rationalizing his every mistake. i’d grow tired of caring. i’d learn how to be apathetic.

but right now, this hurt is killing me inside. i think i’d be dead before i grow tired of him.

hindi parin n’ya ako kinakausap. nakakainis, online pa man din s’ya ngayon tapos dedma mode lang s’ya sa mga PMs ko. siguro nga, super nagger ko na. dapat di ko nalang s’ya bwisitin muna. kahit sobrang namimiss ko na ‘sya.

sabi ni Jelo, if he’s not worth the pain, I should let go. but i know he’s worth everything to me. i just don’t know if i’m worth anything to him.

ang selfish ko yata. lagi ko nalang s’yang pinapagalit. lagi ko nalang s’yang pinagseselos. hindi ko kasi alam kung bakit kailangan pa n’yang magalit o magselos. i’ve been trying to be a good girl naman. pero hindi yata sapat yung efforts ko. gusto yata n’ya wala akong guy friends. eh pano naman yun diba?

dati, pag nasasakal na ako sa isang relationship, tinitigilan ko na. yung tipong sobrang namimiss ko na maging single. pag single ako, kahit makipag-usap ako sa sandamakmak na lalaki, walang magseselos. makikipag-inuman ako sa kahit sino, basta maisipan lang. ayoko kasi ng may pumipigil sakin.

pero ngayon, kahit nasasaktan na ko, hindi ko parin s’ya magawang iwanan. naiinis ako sa sarili ko. minahal ko pa kasi s’ya. kahit hindi ko na s’ya maintindihan, sige go parin. pagbigyan. hayaan. masaktan na kung masaktan.

hay. bahala na.

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