It’s new year! First day of 2011.
It feels somewhat anticlimactic. I’ve been looking forward to this day with great anticipation, and now that it’s here, it doesn’t feel special. Nothing’s different. I know that it’s bad to feel this way on the first day of the year, but I guess new years have already lost their essence in my life.
Anyway, fuck this 😀
To hell with new year resolutions and promises of being good. In the end, it’ll be the same old me, fucked up and complicated. I wanted to tell myself that I’d do better and decide wiser, but years come and go and I still end up on the wrong side of the road.
To me, new year just means another 365 days of trying to beat the cliché and barely surviving life’s mess. It means another year of trying to break the routine, to no avail. It means empty words and senseless actions of being good, yet disappointing oneself as he looked back to everything that happened.
I might sound all negative about this day, but on the upside, I’m just being realistic. Knowing the outcome of something doesn’t mean I wouldn’t try. And it doesn’t mean that I’d try less than before. Looking back at all my wasted efforts and unfinished goals, I’d have a stronger resolve to outdo myself. New year doesn’t mean another beginning. It means continuing where I left off. And it doesn’t mean another chance. It means realizing that choices are more reliable than chances.
Yes, new year is just people’s excuse to ask forgiveness for all the stupid and bad and wrong things they’ve done for the past years. But after all’s said, where is the fulfillment part? Where is the action? It’ll be another cycle again, another year of trashing away their life and hurting others, so that in the following year, they would have something to call their new year resolution.
And as for me, I’m done making lists of supposed-to-be-changes to my life and forgetting about them as soon as next month arrives. I’m done promising and breaking those promises. I’m done with all those silly drama of being a good girl, when in fact, I’m as fucked up as everyone else.
Get real people. Don’t give shallow meaning to new year. For one, I’m being sad because I see a lot of you totally misinterpreting the quintessence of it all.
Anyway, new year should still be happy, right?