[it’s where you could find me when you couldn’t find me anywhere else]

I have a crush.

One of the most fulfilling moments in the world:

You tried to steal a glance at your crush only to find out that he was already looking at you.


You came to pick me up downstairs because I didn’t know if outsiders were allowed inside your school premises. I didn’t even know where your room was. While I was waiting for you, I tried to behave my unruly hair, without success. I smiled at the sight of you.

On the way up, we had small talk about the meeting but I sensed you were not comfortable with me, or something. Anyway, I was still glad that I had you to myself even for a while.

You opened the door for me and we entered the room. Our friends teased us. I laughed. You just went to your seat and became silent. I wondered.

A couple of times when we were all talking about your project, I caught you looking at me. Or was it you who caught me? Either way, I tried to catch your eyes but you always managed to look away. I wanted to talk to you, like real talk, but I know you didn’t want that. Anyway, what’s there to talk about, right?

I am the only one who feels this way, I kept saying to myself.

Because you’re committed to somebody else. I hoped I came to your life sooner so that I could be the one who’s special to you, not the one who’s just stealing glances from afar, hoping to catch your attention even just for a second, staying silent because things would get complicated if feelings were said.

In the end, I would just content myself with being your friend. That way, I could appreciate your fleeting looks and flickers of attention. That way, I wouldn’t ask for more.

You’re still my crush. You still give me butterflies. I feel bubbly every time I see you. You make me happiest when you look at me, because for a moment there, I could see that you also like me. Then I’d chase that moment until it was gone.


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