[it’s where you could find me when you couldn’t find me anywhere else]

Ugh!!!

It’s not that I don’t love you. I’m just scared to admit that I do. I didn’t stop loving you. I still do, after everything.

Whenever I look back at all the things we had before, I feel a shiver down my spine. I hate who I became when we were still together. It was a nightmare. I hate insomnia. I hate crying myself to sleep. I hate worrying about the smallest of things. I hate wanting to spend all of my time with you.

I despise myself being so needy and clingy and demanding. I couldn’t stress that enough.

Yet, I couldn’t stop remembering all the good times we had. It was a certain kind of happiness that I wouldn’t feel with someone else. When I think about those memories, it’s like I want to go back to all those times.

Despite the pain and the heartaches.

‘Cause deep inside me, I feel that you’re worth it. I am that stupid to let myself give in again. I am throwing away all the lessons I learned from loving a jerk like you. I am taking my pain for granted. Perhaps, it’s because I’m already used to it.

My mind’s telling me to get real.

It’s complicated. I don’t know what to do with myself. I wanted us to get back together but I’m afraid I might get hurt again. You might leave me broken again. It might be the same ending all over again.

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