[it’s where you could find me when you couldn’t find me anywhere else]

Pseudo relationship

The “parang kayo, pero hindi” stage. Others call it MU or Mutual Understanding. Flings. Almost like a relationship, but not quite. It is a phase where the person involved are more than friends, but not quite lovers. Pwedeng may verbal agreement, pwedeng wala. One or both of you may have admitted your feelings, possible na hindi din. You just let your gestures do the talking for you. Walang pormal na ligawan na nangyari. Hindi kaya magdyowa. Pero sa kilos niyo, sa mga sinasabi niyo sa isa’t isa, parang kayo, pero hindi. This kind of “relationship” can happen at different stages for different reasons. It can happen after a break-up. You still love each other, and you want to be with each other but you broke up for a reason. And for reasons that you alone know, ayaw niyo muna magbalikan. It can also happen before a relationship, iyong pareho kayong nakikiramdaman. Posible din na ayaw niyo munang magseryoso, kaya kunwa-kunwarian muna. Parang testing muna kung pwede. Pwede ring hindi pwedeng maging kayo kasi isa sa inyo, usually the guy, may karelasyon na.

This pseudo relation stage, for time, can be fun. Lalo na kung naghahanap lang naman kayo ng “kalaro”. Pero wag kang mag-eexpect na may patutunguhan kasi wala talagang kasiguraduhan. So bakit andaming nagsesettle ng ganitong relasyon kung wala naman palang patutunguhan?Maybe for fun. Or pwede ding “okay na yan kesa wala”. Or “pantawid-gutom”. Meaning habang wala pa yung real thing, kunwa-kunwarian nalang muna. Sa iba, lalo na dun sa mga walang karelasyon, iisipin nila na okay na to. Pseudo relationship is better than no relationship at all. Diba? It would be fun too, if all you want is the “kilig” feeling. I admit, I was once in a pseudo realtionship too. Masaya. Kaso masakit. Lalo na kapag nag-end na yung relationship na ganon. Ang maganda doon, iyong kilig feeling. Iyong may magtatanong sayo kung kamusta araw mo. Iyong kapag tumunog yung cellphone, mapapangiti ka dahil alam mong galing sa kanya yung message. Iyong meron ka laging kasama. Habang wala pa ang real thing, pwede na itong pagtiyagaan.

But then, I learned that although it was only a pseudo-relationship, the emotions were real. And usually, in this kind of set-up, ang nagmamahal ang laging lugi.

Una, you can’t ask him/her to commit. Since, it’s not really a relationship, you can’t demand commitment from your partner. Ano ba kayo? May “K” ka nga bang magpasundo or mangsundo ng hatinggabi? You will always be uncertain about your role in his/her life. You can’t expect him/her to be always there with you. And if you feel jealous of the others, you have to keep it to yourself. Ano ka ba niya para magselos?

Pangalawa, what if you feel deeply inlove with him/her? You can’t be sure if he feels the same way. Baka nag-a-assume ka lang na mahal ka rin niya. Even if you’re dying to tell him/her you love him/her, you can’t. Because you’re not sure if s/he’ll like it. Baka mapahiya ka lang. This stage will always makes you wonder where you are in the relationship. Or if there is a relationship at all.

Pangatlo, what if you become attached too much? What if you have invested all your emotions and that someone hasn’t? What if you remain faithful to him/her, not entertaining others, only to find out that s/he is seeing other girls/boys?

Isa pang downside nito is that it’s fleeting. When a disagreement sets in or when one of you gets cold, then that would be the END. Unlike in serious relationship, hindi mo alam kung saan ka lulugar sa isang pseudo relationship. Wala kang pinanghahawakan. Kasi sa pseudo relationship walang “TAYO”. Meron lang “IKAW AT AKO”. Hindi “TAYO”. Buti sana kung pseudo-pain lang ang mararamdaman mo. Kaso hindi eh. REAL PAIN. And usually kahit tapos na ang pseudo relationship niyo, hindi mo maiiwasang umasa na one day, may karugtong pa rin iyun. And you will be miserable. Hoping to bring back what you used to have, only to find out eventually that someone is in another pseudo relationship with somebody else. Ang hirap noh? You agreed to this kind of set up and then you’d end up hurting yourself in the process.

Pero pwede mo naman maiwasan ang pain eh. Pwede naman na hindi mo muna isipin ang future, enjoy mo lang kung anong meron kayo ngayon. Without thinking of the consequences kapag ipinagpatuloy mo. Ihanda mo nalang ang sarili mo sa consequence. Dahil ang ganitong stage bihirang nagkakatotoo. Usually hanggang doon lang siya. Almost but not quite.

copied from a tumblr blog.

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