I ended up burying my face on my pillow, and when I couldn’t breathe, I turned and stared at the ceiling. The ceiling was not much empathetic to my feelings, and so did this blog, but hell I couldn’t think of something else to do. So here I go and blab.
Now my mind’s racing with a million thoughts, and I couldn’t focus on just one thing because everything’s jumbled up here. I wish I could shut down my mind even for a while. I wish I could choose which ones to remember and think about. I wish I could organize my thoughts and set what my real priorities are.
Ugh, I wish my mind would just shut up for a minute. Just a minute.
And when I say, “Don’t go there. Don’t venture that thought. Don’t go back to that memory,” I hope my mind obeys me. ‘Cause it’s just too painful to be caught off guard by those thoughts. They come to me when I least expect it. I wish I could just forget the things I want to forget.
Oh well. Nah, this is just bullshit.