First Conversations :)
You entered a crowded room without knowing a single familiar face. You sat in the corner fo a few minutes hoping someone would approach you and offer you a drink, at least. When no one came, you went to the bar and ordered something, a vodka maybe. Then you looked at your glass as if it was the most interesting thing around.
You were alone. And in a sea of strangers, you wanted to make a connection with someone. But you were afraid to make eye contact because it would lead to small talk. And admit it, first conversations are the hardest.
After an hour of talking to yourself and silently mocking everyone else in that room, someone finally sat on the chair next to yours and ordered the same drink you ordered. You looked at him (yes, he was a guy!) and smiled faintly. He smiled back too. You were dying to ask his name or comment on the music or say anything, in fact, just to talk to him. But he seemed to be looking around the room and waiting for someone, so you just kept your mouth shut, except when you were taking a shot.
Just when you were about to leave, he asked, “So, you were alone too, huh?” You smiled at the thought that he was looking around not to search for his pimp but to see if you were with someone. You went out of the bar with him and drove to a deli. You talked about lots of things, half of which you wouldn’t remember by the morning.
And as soon as you got home, you texted your best friend, “OMG i met this really cute guy and we are so alike!”
That’s how you first meet people. That’s how you make a connection with the world. You search for things you both like or dislike or care nothing about. You look for your shared interests. A common ground. It’s quite necessary that you find out about these things first because during the first conversations, differences seem to be like flaws. Faults. Dead ends.
You asked him once, “So, do you like The Beatles?” He said no. So you just said, “Oh, okay.” End of topic. That was a minus five on the likeness scale over there, honey.
See what I mean? No matter how alike you thought you were, you’re gonna find things that would make you think otherwise. As far as the conversation goes, you’re gonna begin to think that first impressions don’t always last. He hates your favorite ice cream flavor. You don’t like basketball or tennis. And you’d realize, you were just alike in some things. With the rest, you seem to disagree a lot.
Funny when you thought that this would go somewhere because you thought he was your soulmate. Because of what? ‘Cause of the fact that you were both alone in that bar at that night and drinking the same vodka? That had to count for something, right?
Actually, no. Sometimes, coincidences are just that. Coincidences. Funny traps of fate that are given assumptions by people too desperate to give meaning to senseless circumstances. Sometimes, two strangers meet and get to know each other because a certain connection, no matter how thin, is the only thing that could keep them afloat. So they hold on to that connection, destiny they say, because without it, life would be boring. People would be lonely and alone and drinking vodkas on their own for the rest of their lives.
Looking for common interests is a good thing. But finding differences and learning to love each other despite those differences are better. In a room full of unfamiliar faces, it’s just natural to engage in a conversation where you could tell him that you’ve been to the same Paramore concert that he’s been. That you both know the meaning of DOTA, whatever that is. That you both have theories as to how Amelia Earheart died.
But assuming that every conversation would be like this is wrong. Don’t ever think that the more you talk, the more similarities you’re gonna find out. Honestly, first conversations are the most shallow ones. If you stop talking to him after you learned that he doesn’t watch your favorite TV show, then you’re never gonna find out his whole personality. Who he really is.
Think again. In this world, you’re not looking for a copycat of your personality. Conversations are made healthy by debates and disagreements and petty fights. If you’re not up for that, then all you’re gonna have are first talks. No second, no third, no next. If you’re too close-minded about similarities and differences, well, hello reality! All you’re ever gonna find are people as different as you are. If you couldn’t accept that, stop going to a room full of nameless people, shut yourself at your apartment, and be as anonymous as everyone else.