I’m tired of all this.
Most of the times, I have this urge to just disappear and get lost. I want to be somewhere else, where it won’t be possible for me to go back here, where I can’t find you. Most of the times, I want to run from everything. I want to run away from you, not to you. I want to have a stronger resolve to just forget all the things we had. I want to see myself not caring about you. Most of the times, I want to have amnesia.
Until now, it breaks my heart to know that you’re in love with someone else. I don’t even know where I stand. I keep telling myself that it’s all right. But I’m terribly afraid that one day you will tell to my face that I’m on the losing end. I don’t even know if you ever loved me. Right now, I’m full of doubts. You make me forget about these doubts when we’re together. But every time I’m alone, I think of all the things I’m afraid to ask you. I want to ask why you keep on seeing me. Why can’t you just let me go and leave me be? Why do you keep on hurting me? Why can’t you be honest with me?
Most of the times, I want to escape. But whenever there’s a chance, I keep backing out. I keep holding on to our past. I keep asking for a miracle. I keep telling myself that everything’s gonna be fucking all right.
But it’s not. It’s not gonna be all right.