[it’s where you could find me when you couldn’t find me anywhere else]


whenever i see a starry sky, i think of you. i remember those summer nights that we spend sitting on your porch swing and talking about our future together. or cuddling with you on your soft bed. not having sex, just cuddling without malice. we could see the sky through your big window. we were so young then, and i never thought everything we had could change.

now my future is sad and bleak. funny because tonight, it’s cloudy but i still think of you. i don’t exactly know where you are right now or if i ever pass your mind. i hope telepathy is possible so that i could send you my thoughts even though you’re far away. i couldn’t reach you anymore. if i could, i would tell you everything that is racing on my mind every time i think of you. i would tell you that i miss you and there are moments that my mind goes faraway… to someplace where you might be.

you were my first love. i still don’t know what love is. all i know is that the feelings i felt for you were real. they’re emotions i could describe closest to love, i guess. and i never felt those feelings for someone else. if ever someone asked me to define love, i would answer that it was what i felt for you. cause right now, love, for me, is already a thing void of meaning.

there are so many thoughts that i couldn’t put into words. every time i try to write something about you, it seems that words aren’t enough. i had so many regrets for letting you go. i feel sorry for myself every time i engage in a half-assed relationship. i try to find someone like you. but there’s no one. you’re special.

now that i’m about to fall in love again, i can’t help but compare this feeling to what i felt before, when we’re still together. i know it’s pointless because i’ll just end up looking for what’s not there. but i couldn’t help it. i couldn’t help going back to those summer nights. to those starry skies.


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