[it’s where you could find me when you couldn’t find me anywhere else]

And because of the recent changes on Facebook, I found this.

I have a confession to make. I am so glad that I met you and although I haven’t said it before, I really like you. You are everything I’m not — understanding, responsible, thoughtful, sensitive, kind. I’ve always looked up to you, knowing that all I am is one selfish bitch. I know we haven’t talked much, because you’re always busy with projects and schoolworks. But I’m really grateful for those times you spent chatting with me, however short those conversations were, when I couldn’t sleep because of insomnia. I always bother you about petty things, and I’m sorry for that.

It seems that I have to find myself again. It’s one old cliche, but it’s the only appropriate thing I have to do right now. I don’t know where I’m going or why I’m going this way, wherever it is. All I know is that I’ve been so careless, so out of control, so tired, and so misunderstood. I wanted to find real meaning to this fucked up life. I know I’m being melodramatic right now. But hell, I wanted to be someone better than myself.

I wanted to love my course, which seems getting boring lately. I wanted to trust my friends, but all I did was to avoid them. i wanted to pour everything to my parents, but they were always busy with stuff and they got no time to talk to me.

I feel so alone right now and I don’t know what to do.

I’m sorry again, for sending you this pathetic message. I know you wouldn’t read it all. But I wanted to make the effort, nonetheless. I’m not important to you anyway, just an online friend with whom you talk to in passing. But hey, with those random conversations, you made me feel listened to. You made me think that i still have a connection with somebody, however small that connection was. Because right now, even my friends are too busy to hang out with me. And I’m always the whiny-assed loser friend they’ll ever have.

I’m sick of all the drama really.
I want to end this.

I might be out of reach for a very long time.
Thanks, Rhailee, for being my friend.

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